Stop criticizing yourself — in 5 simple steps

Step One

Doing something new or something we find difficult, can release a stream of thoughts that stop us from asking for that raise, speaking-up for ourselves; asking for a date, finishing our business, and so on. Typical self-critical thoughts include:

• I am no good at…;
• I’d better not rock the boat;
• I don’t have enough money/time/contacts to do…;
• People will think badly of me if things go wrong;
• I don’t know enough about …;
• I’m too <insert your own word here> to succeed;
• If a problems occur, I won’t know how to handle them.

Any of these sound familiar?

© Mark Preston, 2007

Step Two

Write down three of your self-critical thoughts. No-one else needs to see your list, so consider yourself released to be honest with yourself. As an added bonus, getting these thoughts out in the open often stops the secret damage they’ve been doing to our lives.

Step Three

Choose the thought that’s holding you back the most. (If you’re not exactly sure, just use your gut instinct to pick one.)

Step Four

Now let’s turn it on its head, into a positive statement or affirmation:

• For example, if a self-critical thought was “If I ask for a raise, they’ll just laugh at me”, an example affirmation could be “I have generated a lot of value and am a valued employee”.
• So – start with “I am”;
• make your statement in the now;
• and, make it positive.

Write down your affirmation. As you’re writing, it might feel like you’re being dishonest with yourself – please bear with this feeling for now – there’s a way to get over that, coming-up next.

Step Five

This step may sound strange, but stick with me, it works when you work it!

• Repeat your affirmation out-loud into a mirror, at the same time every morning or evening, or both. It’s important that it be out-loud and that you can see yourself saying it.
• Make it part of your daily routine.
• It may feel  like complete nonsense or like you’re fooling yourself, but that will change over time as you repeat it on a daily basis.
• Repeat your affirmation daily for at least two months, or until you believe the statement even when you’re having a bad day or a going through a difficult time.

Over time you might want to come back to this process, to remove the other self-critical thoughts you noted.

OK Coach, what negative beliefs do you have, and did this work?

I’m glad you asked! I kept saying to myself that I had nothing useful to share with others. So I followed my own suggestions and did this process: I now confidently work with people helping them improve their lives, guest post on others’ blogs, speak on the radio, and so on.

What belief is holding you back, and how are you going to turn it into an affirmation? You’re welcome to share here, or if you prefer, email